As many of you know we have a dossier sitting in China with our name on it. The time has come to update our homestudy and renew our paperwork without any free renewals for fingerprints. Cost???? Roughly $1800. And besides the money... there are the doctor appointments with the forms to fill out. You know the visits when you walk in to see the doctor and hand her forms that ask for exact precision with no crossouts or mistakes!!! And then there are the fingerprints at both the State and Federal level (not to mention the fact that PA USCIS just simply sends you an appointment time... who cares if you can't make it, or you have to take days off of work... not their problem!) and also bugging people once again to rewrite recommendations for the THIRD time!!! Come on... why can't we just use what our friends said last time. It's not like we won't be doing this all again in about 18 months!!!! And with an LID of April 2, 2008... you definitely know we would be doing it again and again and probably again... and yet again.
I must admit that my heart says, "Go for it!" We have always been absolutely devoted to this China adoption. But the thought of all of this paperwork for me and others makes me feel sick to my stomach. Blah!
And of course there is more. It has been expressed by a few people with whom I am close (family) that..."Why can't you just be happy with two you have?" And why, why can't I??? Why do I care what others want me to be satisfied with so much? Fact is, I am happy with the two I have. In fact, I am so happy with the two that I have that I want to share my heart, my love, and my family with a third child. We began THIS China adoption in August of 2007. This child has a name. This child has had a spot in my heart long before Po was even thought of. This child is in my dreams. This child who I already call mine. THIS child that does not yet exist.
And maybe, this adoption will never happen. Perhaps China will never hand me a referral with those beautiful little almond eyes looking back at me. But I sure do hope so because I already love that child so very much:)
Then why is it that with the update paperwork sitting in front of me in this big yellow envelope I am so undecided as to what to do? Have I truly started to allow others to make my decisions?
7 comments:
It is a tough decision to make. We went through the same thing that you did. Our LID was May 2007. It just got hard watching the referrals slow down and then having to do another homestudy and all of things that go with it. Then there were other financial things we had to take care of, so we really had to decide if we could be happy with just Lexie. It totally broke my heart to leave the China program because just like you, we were waiting for our daughter before we went to Taiwan and I had picked out a name. I still get all teary thinking about it and sometimes I wish we were still waiting. In the end, it has to be your decision and what feels right in your heart. I wish you the best because I know what a hard choice this is to make.
We are DTC 03/08 and these are my thoughts exactly. We have a daughter from China who will be 9 onn Sunday. She was 6 when we started this process. Like you we just had to renew our USCIS paperwork for the third time and our sccheduled 12/17 @ 8:00 AM for fingerprinting. Since my husband won't consider the Waiting Child Program we are in this for the duration.
I say go for it. Tessa was never in our family plan. Two kids, one boy, one girl, done. But, my heart wasn't full yet. I knew there was one more angel in the world for our family.
And...it was the very best decision I've ever made. Jake and Sara, are amazing, wonderful, the best kids I could ever ask for. But Tessa...she loves and needs me so desperately that I feel so completely fulfilled as her mother.
I think you already have your answer....listen to your heart. :)
Well that is a big question. I have to say that you LOVE being a Mom and you are all about your family (well, Disney too). If you feel like you are not done having children then you are not and I do not think that feeling goes away. I knew I wanted another child even when the 3 I had were a handful and once I felt ready to have another the feeling got even stronger. Once we had Lauren I knew I was done and it feels really good. Just because you want another baby doesn't mean you are not satisfied with the children you have. Someone said to me that you never regret the children that you have, you only regret the ones you don't have. I know it is alot of money just to keep your place in line and that is a concern for anyone. I can only imagine that in 3,4+ years you ALL will be so excited to grow your family again. Shasha and Po will be old enough to really enjoy a baby and you will cherish your long awaited last baby.
Just my thoughts:)
ps. just have everyone save there letters and change the dates to re-submit them a few years if need be.
I think you need to do what you heart is telling you to do no matter what others may think.. the decision is up to you and scott and not any one else...
No matter what the decision you make just make sure you are happy with it and that is all that should matter..
You have two very lovely children who are very lucky to have you as a mother and i see no harm in having a third one expecially if in your heart you already believe you have that third child.
I know what you mean. I havent been asked to update but we were asked to sign some silly concurrent agreement. We are LID feb2007. By the time they get to us we will be much older... not sure what we will do... for now we are sending in the agreement.
Good luck on your decision.
Lisa
Jami- I could sit here and cry for you today. Sending HUGS your way, long distance. I just finished, moments ago, a post, relating to this very idea, the paperwork (humm, then there is the $ too). Before we have done it, we just hear Home Study, Fingerprinting etc and we really just do not have a clue as to how much work and re-arrangement is required. Not to mention, the asking of assistance from others. "It takes a village", has a whole new meaning with the letters, the doc notes, the notary Etc.
We have three kids and we are, as you know, older, so I have often had people and family express why? Why start all over? They think by adding another we will be cheating ourselves out of carefree days and early retirement. But you got it, the family you have, how wonderful and blessed you are with that family is EXACTLY why we look to expand our family again. Because of loving being parents to the kiddos (when little and still when they grow-up).
You have the advantage I have not, you would be the one who could tell me, it is all worth it in the end. After our lives centered for the past several months on the paperwork I am VERY happy to be at the end and wanting to be on the actual waitlist. I so understand how daunting it seems. But, I am now also starting to think, OK we did this. SO with this accomplishment I hear little voices in the back of my mind: would I do this again (for a 5th child?) maybe.
Keeping you in my thoughts, in my prayers, just follow your heart and take it one step at a time. Keep well
mlynne
http://ourafricanbundleofjoy.blogspot.com/
Post a Comment