Decision Time...China???

As many of you know we have a dossier sitting in China with our name on it. The time has come to update our homestudy and renew our paperwork without any free renewals for fingerprints. Cost???? Roughly $1800. And besides the money... there are the doctor appointments with the forms to fill out. You know the visits when you walk in to see the doctor and hand her forms that ask for exact precision with no crossouts or mistakes!!! And then there are the fingerprints at both the State and Federal level (not to mention the fact that PA USCIS just simply sends you an appointment time... who cares if you can't make it, or you have to take days off of work... not their problem!) and also bugging people once again to rewrite recommendations for the THIRD time!!! Come on... why can't we just use what our friends said last time. It's not like we won't be doing this all again in about 18 months!!!! And with an LID of April 2, 2008... you definitely know we would be doing it again and again and probably again... and yet again.
I must admit that my heart says, "Go for it!" We have always been absolutely devoted to this China adoption. But the thought of all of this paperwork for me and others makes me feel sick to my stomach. Blah!
And of course there is more. It has been expressed by a few people with whom I am close (family) that..."Why can't you just be happy with two you have?" And why, why can't I??? Why do I care what others want me to be satisfied with so much? Fact is, I am happy with the two I have. In fact, I am so happy with the two that I have that I want to share my heart, my love, and my family with a third child. We began THIS China adoption in August of 2007. This child has a name. This child has had a spot in my heart long before Po was even thought of. This child is in my dreams. This child who I already call mine. THIS child that does not yet exist.
And maybe, this adoption will never happen. Perhaps China will never hand me a referral with those beautiful little almond eyes looking back at me. But I sure do hope so because I already love that child so very much:)
Then why is it that with the update paperwork sitting in front of me in this big yellow envelope I am so undecided as to what to do? Have I truly started to allow others to make my decisions?

Shasha's Birthday photos

What I really want to know is... Where does time go? I love this little girl so very much! She is the best big sister and an even better daughter! I simply can not believe that she has turned 5 years old already! I remember looking at our first glimpse of her little Shasha face staring blankly at me from a 4x6 piece of paper when we received her referral. I knew at that moment that I was deeply in love... I just hadn't realized how she would become the love of my life, the little princess who can make me laugh hysterically, tear up and make me smile from ear to ear and make me the proudest momma ever! We love you Shasha... Mommy, Daddy and Po!

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My birthday girl... 5 already!

My little birthday girl...can you even believe she is 5 already? I will need to post more info this weekend...

My kids are an advertisement!!! Kind of...

I recieved an email months ago that our local S@die's studio was going out of business. The manager wanted to know if it was OK to use a photo taken of my children that was taken in January, 2010 on their website/or in their studio. Of course, I said YES! Why not? I love to show off the two most precious faces in the whole world! I honestly never gave it another thought... until today. I looked in my inbox tonight only to see an invitation to the new studio... I decided to check out the website and there they are looking at me with the that dark brown hair and almond shaped eyes...my Po and Shasha! They are the 4th picture in the ad wen you slide the photos over! I just had to share! Little man looked at it and said,"Po! cute."
He took the words right out of my mouth!

14 years...

It has been 14 years since Scott and I were married. We celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary on November 2. This date has become the date representing the beginning of our family! If Scott and I had not fallen in love and married, then we would not have the two most beautiful children in the world. And as a family... we celebrated our anniversary at Red L@bster eating all you can eat shrimp! Well, there goes the diet!

Honestly, fourteen years ago I thought I would be in a different place...not where I am now. I certainly never even considered the possibility of traveling half-way across the globe... not once but TWICE... to adopt my children. And yes... we are still logged in with China for a third. I can't say that I had even planned to be a librarian...no way... I was never a reader. But maybe that's what makes me connect with middle schoolers so well. The fact that I wasn't and now I AM. And may I also point out that Scott and I did indeed go to Disn@y W@rld for our honeymoon... BUT ONLY because the resort we were planning to stay at in Antigua was nearly destroyed in a hurricane. In fact, our honeymoon was only the 4th time I had ever visited my now "MUST-GO-TO" fairytale land.

I have learned that friends come and go and family can't always be counted on, but Scott...he is always by my side. He accepts me for who I am and still loves me back. He has taken on the biggest adventure in the world with me without hesitation. We have been through so much together... both good and bad, the moments that take your breath away and the moments that make you want to cry yourself to sleep. And fourteen years later I still love him with all my heart<3